Understanding that learning often follows a CURVE that includes feelings like FRUSTRATION and DEFIANCE helped me get out of my "stuck" state.
At first I was IDEALISTIC: "I should ALWAYS be able to speak quickly and eloquently."
Ideals don't really exist in reality. So, when you are idealistic and not aligned with the truth of reality. Reality, the ultimate arbiter of the truth, then lays the smack down.
After getting smacked around realizing something was keeping me from expressing myself (as demonstrated by reality) I would get FRUSTRATED, which turned to DEFIANCE, and then SURRENDER, as I detailed in the earlier post "Part1: Frustration to Surrender".
It hurts to be in this state.
Especially if your self esteem is tied up in DOING things, like mine was.
Things seem hopeless: "I will NEVER be able to speak well / quickly."
You might feel helpless.
But, then comes the -relief- known as AWARENESS. If you are AWARE that frustration to surrender is an integral part of learning and growing... things start to get better.
Let me say that again: FRUSTRATION / DEFIANCE / SURRENDER are INTEGRAL PARTS of LEARNING and GROWING!
In this case, this model of the learning curve helped me gain that awareness and feel better about myself even when I was on the "downward" side of the process. [Note: I wish I remembered who came up with this model... if any of you know who came up with it, let me know in the comments section, so we can give credit where credit is due!]:
So, if you are feeling frustrated... embrace it.
If you are feeling defiant... embrace it.
If you are feeling passive/aggressive or even feel you've quit/surrendered... embrace it.
Once you embrace it, you're more able to allow yourself to be CURIOUS and OPEN to the idea that you are right IN the growth/learning process! APPRECIATE the uncomfortable feeling because growth could be around the corner!
Incidentally, once I get to this point (i.e., the AWARENESS that I am IN the learning process), and I embrace my feelings while they are happening to me, several times... I can then help myself accelerate from ANY of the uncomfortable stages directly to the curious & open minded AWARENESS stage. (Sweet... a SHORTCUT!)
Now, just because you have a good "observing ego" and thus have gotten to AWARENESS of possibilities for growth, doesn't mean growth is just going to magically or automatically happen (...although it does increase your odds considerably). The next step DECIDING to do something.
Also, incidentally, getting to AWARENESS state doesn't mean you have to do something about it right now (or ever, for that matter)... it just opens the door for you... it gives you the option to become decisive, if you choose. The area that of your life that you've "surrendered" to might just be something you don't care to change.
Becoming decisive is where identifying, re-framing or completely dissolving your limiting beliefs can come into play, which I will detail in another post.
Stay tuned!
